just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
