Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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