Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
