Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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