I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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