I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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