If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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