at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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