Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
