my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
