i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
