I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
