Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
