For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
