i may or may not be watching the land before time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
