party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
