You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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