I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
