I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
