we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
