I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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