I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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