AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
