he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
