Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
