But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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