I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
