i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
