I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
