if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
