This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
