anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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