I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize