woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
