Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
try to milk me bitch
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
