i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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