My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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