No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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