about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
