She's JV to your varsity
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
