Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She bit a glass in half.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
