I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize