but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
