She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
