i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
