Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Boobs speak an international language.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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