Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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