I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
