he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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