I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
