Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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