awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
