Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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