plz talk dirty to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
