at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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