You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize