Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
