we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
