o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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