So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
