I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
