it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
