You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
