is your mom at the bar?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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