I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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