it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
