I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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