All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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