And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
