I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Couch. On fire.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
