i don't want you to think of me as your TA
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
