it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
