and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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