i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
