im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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