A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
