O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
