dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
