Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize