Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
