Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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