Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
