ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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