She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
