I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The best revenge is premature balding
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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