I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
