Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
