It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
