I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
