Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you had me at cake vodka
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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