thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
