Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
