Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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