you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
